[I figured this was a song in desperate need of some new lyrics. Sung to the tune of Baby It’s Cold Outside. You’re gonna want to grab a singing partner and use the instrumental track for this one!]

(Listen to the track while you sing!)

I really must binge (But maybe it’s books we need)
You mustn’t infringe (It’s definitely books we need)
This season has been (Reading will make you grin)
So fun to watch (I’ll hold the remote, you hold my scotch)
My Netflix queue scrolls forever (Mystery, poems, whichever)
And Stranger Things won’t just watch itself (Grab a book from up on that shelf)
So really, I’d better scurry (Reading won’t make you hurry)
But maybe just half a show more (Come and browse the shelves I implore)

I’ll follow this link (Maybe put down the mouse)
What does BuzzFeed think? (Come out to the coffee house)
I wish I knew how (Your eyes are glazed over now)
To read offline (I’ll pour a big glass of red wine)
I ought to turn off the screen now (Choose something low or highbrow)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried (Look at all that books can provide)
I really won’t read (Oh maybe try it once)
Maybe it’s books we need

I must check my phone (But maybe it’s books you need)
Plug in my earphone (But maybe just try to read)
Your offer has been (So many books thick and thin)
So nice and warm (Look at this chapter’s cool word form)
The cable man will be suspicious (Book club food is so delicious)
My ISP will know that I’ve gone (Try some lovely poems by Anon)
Librarians are often viscous (Snobby but not malicious)
But maybe just a chapter or two (I’m certain that it will not kill you)

I’ll turn off the screens (See maybe, it’s books we need)
Say lend me a read (We finally have agreed)
This song’s not as bad (Dean Martin is for grand-dad)
As the creepy one (Consent to read is much more fun)
I’m bound to read more tomorrow (Think of my lifelong sorrow)
I’ll even use those fancy bookmarks (if you only read books by Sparks)
I really must read (It’s really about time)
Maybe it’s books
Maybe it’s books we need.

For previous Hectic Pace Christmas parodies, see: